He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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