We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
