I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
