If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
