4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
