Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
