I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
