two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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