Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
