girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
