I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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