And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
