the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
