your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
