omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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