She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
