She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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