found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
