the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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