He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
