FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't deserve a penis
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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