This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
