I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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