i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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