i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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