YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
