why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
