I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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