Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
