Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
