I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
