FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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