no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
