Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
