I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
