i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
