Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
