when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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