My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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