If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
