Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
