I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
