you will always have a special place in my vag
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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