He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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