don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sext me about skeletons
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
