Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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