no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
