Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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