I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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