one might say we're banned from that church
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
