I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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