I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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