I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
