And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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