never play flip cup with pint glasses
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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