i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
