I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
