the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
