Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
