margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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