He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
