seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
