bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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